Here I am (not) Drunk Again

Ohh the sober life...wel the beginnings of it anyways..no beer...no ciggs...no man...so this is freedom? LOL

Reminds me of a favorite song of mine.."Freedom" by Love and Theft.

Interesting day today, work was alright...considering i was an hour late...and after the flu-like symptoms ive been experiancing....and the horrific nightmares last night....we were pretty steady but not nearly as busy as we usually are which was a giant downer...could really use that tip money about now....

sitting up at Nina's coffee shop on selby and western...super busy here..some sort of political soiree for David Schultz, for ramsey county attorney.....

its my "friends' birthday tomorrow and im taking him somewhere pretty special to me...even tho we cant have any "titles, obligations, expectations etc."...which i respect of course but i had felt different intentions...so i guess we'll just see where this goes...we're spending the afternoon together at eastso that will be nice..hving some company n all.

i want to be a treasure hunter...travel around the states, maybe even the world looking in the earth for cool stuff from the past...

for some reason i feel it would be honoring to have a piece of the world fom so long ago, to hold it in my hands and say to myself " someone thousands of years ago held this in thier hands as well".

Sweet.


Ive always wanted to write a book...but i dont know what itd be about...i hd this thought last may and from trying to decide on what kind of book to write i ended up with the beginnings of a "bucket list"...you know...the things you want to do before you die.

1. write a book
2.go skydiving (im terrified of heights)
3.be a treasure hunter
4.learnt he Dakota language fluently
5.create a masterpiece
6.build a sculpture  and put it in a park
7.write a song
8.get to san diego for my 25th bday in Jan.
9.get a motorcycle
10.change a life
11. allow another life change me
12. save an animal
13.pray in the mountains.


*no particular order*


still dont know how to feel about the breakup....three years was a long time. and hes someone that ill never "get over" but i know ive been moving on. so much has been going on lately that it seems like life just leaves me behind to pick up the mess then hurry hurry to catch up. damn this tea is effing hot. guess sometimes you do things because you feel like you need to save yourself before the both of you go over the edge. and thats where i felt we were going.

and what happens to a couple when they go over the edge? does anyone know? it cant be a good thing at all. your soul almost feels trapt but you dont wan to leave because the love is there....even tho the bad habits are the only things left...when life turns into a routine you stop appreciating it. i couldnt appreciate routine...i wanted a life outside of the bars...i didnt wnt to spend so much money drinking then turn around and make plans with friends the next day but have to cancel because im hung over. who wants to honestly live that way?  once we split i remembered what being outside was like...to hear the birds songs, to watch the squirrels and bunnies...listen to the trees in the wind. i had wanted that for the both of us...but it wasnt meant to be any longer. he'll aways be in my life, and will forver be the scar on my heart thats the biggest. and im ok with that...

*sigh* guess the toughest part now is to come across someone who can bust me out of my shell and help me see the world from a different view.

i want to fish, and camp..go hiking..see the outside again. get all bundled up in cute jackets and go for long walks around the lake and breathe the fresh air...sit and have coffee and talk about the world and all thats in it.

is that too much to ask for?   ;)

.......lord i need a date haha